It's getting to the really hard part.

The years of waiting have been miserable to say the least. As time goes on, with every new change I find myself saying, Wow, this is the worst yet.)

Last month Jared had to have an impacted wisdom tooth removed. There was a marked decline in his health and confusion afterward. After the surgery he was so confused he could not even carry on a conversation. We ended up in the ER twice that weekend. The pain medication he was taking for his tooth surgery was causing him a lot of confusion. His liver can't process it, so of course it was going into the bloodstream and getting to his brain. After the second visit to the ER the doctors finally said, "absolutely no more pain meds." They upped his lactulose to try to clear it out of his system. He became dehydrated from that and we ended up at the ER again. For the next couple of weeks his confusion was still really bad. We are managing it a bit better now. We're trying to get the right dose of the lactulose to keep him comfortable but also to help him be able to think clearly. His Dr. says it's always a balancing act trying to find the right dosage for each patient. Each day is different, some are better than others. Sometimes he can think okay and other times are really difficult. Days, times and numbers are really hard for him to keep straight. He has difficulty using his phone and the remote control and even having conversations on the days when it's a little worse.

Jared has finally gone on an LOA and will not be going back to work until after transplant. We are trying to figure things out with his work and looking into what needs to be done so his benefits can continue when his short-term disability runs out. We may have to apply for Social Security disability if we aren't able to work things out with his employer. He will receive full pay and benefits through February 24, 2015. We're hoping to be able to continue it past then, but it's all a waiting game to see if we can get him approved for long-term disability in time.

His MELD score is 26 still. I think we are past the point of him going back downward. I think he's going to continue to progress from here. His doctor even said he thinks that he could end up hospitalized by the end of this year. By that he means he will be hospitalized until he gets his transplant. He did also say that if things continue to progress the way they have been over the last several months, he thinks Jared will be transplanted within a year. Each day is harder and I hope soon we will be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. One thing that has been helping me is something my mom said, and I keep reminding myself, "One day this will all just be a bad memory." That may seem negative but to me it just means that this will not go on forever and we will be able to look back one day and say, "That really sucked. I'm glad it's over."